fight club.

"You fuck me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You show me a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole. Is this a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?"

hawt.

it's a conspiracy.

Nothing Nice To Say, Joe and Monkey, and Coffee Achievers are all down. I swear, they're going to spring a surprise on us or something. Like the JaM movie... I wish.

Me. Just in case you haven't seen me before...

alert: long-ass post

I just got done watching Titan: AE - not a bad film, considering it was only a quid. In all honesty I was expecting it to be a bit crap, given its PG rating and the fact that you get an advert for Digimon and Action Man in it, but it wasn't half bad. I'd quite like to watch it again. Just for the fact for the last exchange between Matt Damon and Drew Barrymore's characters, talking about the creation of the new Earth:

"It's beautiful."
"I know..."
"What's are you going to call it?"
I think... Bob."

It's just so Monty Python-esque. I love it. Some people call me... TIM!

We also have One Hour Photo at work for... well, a quid... and I don't think I'll get it. I don't think I could stand watching it, in all honesty.
Siân and Joe came into work yesterday, actually. They bought something from another till and left, completely blanking me. These people are no longer the people I used to know. Then again, I know I'm not the person they once knew either.
So yeah. After seeing that, I went on a break for a bit to try and sort myself out - I really never thought I was this emotional much of a woman. I had half an hour, so I went to GAME and fiddled on Wario Ware DS.

It cheered me up no end, would you believe. I'm glad I'm going into gaming as a career, because it's obviously something that I really love - it must give me more of a buzz than I thought to pull me out of such a gloomy place and actually make me feel good rather than just neutralising it. Not only that, but I beat the high score for the shop. So I texted Rick (who works there), rubbing his nose in it. You know the drill - 'Haha, 51 points compared to your measly 48! I obviously rule!'

...I'm not quite sure what all of that means. I've concluded that I must be an uber geek, in order to spend enough time in a shop to get the high score on a demo pod that's only been there two weeks, and be such good friends with the staff that I actually have a mobile number and MSN address. To get a higher score than the STAFF, no less.

...I'll have enough for my DS and three games by a week before launch, also. Yay!

So I went back to work.

Now, a number of things happened at work recently that need to be told. There are the most random people in Macc, honestly. Quite aside from the fact that 70% seem to be able to check the 'other' box in questionnairres under 'ethnic origin', the other 30% seem to be made up of people who are lunatics, retards, or both. I have had, in the space of a week, people come in who constantly talk to themselves and I had someone yesterday spend about ten minutes talking to me about the quality of machine-made coffee as opposed to ground or instant, with clear emphasis on the fact that the nearest branch of Kwik-Fit had a very good coffee machine. And that they were going to go in and get one on the way home. There's a woman who leaves her dog inn the shop for half an hour every Saturday while she goes shopping, and comes back to find the thing cold and shaking, and then blames US for not looking after it properly. Despite the huge sign on the door saying NO DOGS. And you can't expect me to believe that it's a guide dog if you leave it behind. In a shopping trolley. When it's the size of my fist.
There was someone ELSE who came in saying that he'd dropped his ass lotion. Seriously. Those were the actual words he used - 'I've dropped my ass lotion, has anyone handed it in?' Scared. Is. Me.
I've had people talk to me at length about 'sticking it to the man' and grinding the whole legal system to a halt, TEN YEARS AGO, by refusing to comment on anything. And just listen to the following, bearing in mind that I work at a pound shop.

Him: Let's get one of these.
Her: No, they're too expensive.
Him: They're only a pound.
Her: Don't be stupid, no they're not.
Him (to me): How much are these.
Me: One pound.
Her: Really?
Me: Yes, everything in this shop's a pound.
Her (holding up a bar of chocolate): So how much is THIS?

...I despair, I really do.


The other thing worthy of note - and it's so worthy of note that I'm going to give it its own special paragraph - is the amount of people who come in looking fro spraypaint, who are obviously under thirteen. And who get angry when I refuse them. And who obviously expect me to feel threatened. Knobheads. I had someone in yesterday who, when I refused to sell it to him, he complained;

"What do you mean you can't sell it to me?! But I've had to trek all the way from Tesco!"

...yeah, like I'm not going to know what you'll be doing with it if I do sell it to you. He had his girlfriend with him, who had this to say.

"You've just lost yourself four pounds."

Whoop-de-frickin'-doo. It'd be more effective if there was more to it - say, a few hundred - and if you didn't then buy four quid's worth of sweets afterward. Good God.

I swear one of my workmates is psychic. We were ripping into Dave (the manager) the day before the Liverpool match last week, and he joked that it would be a 2-0 loss. It was. I no longer go near him, for fear of my hair standing on end and becoming infertile.

Walking home, I noticed a few things. Tesco have a new sign up - 'trolley will stop beyond this point'. Now, is that just bad English, or do they actually have advanced trolleys now that can sense when they leave the car park? It would be fairly cheap to do... but surely not as cheap to install per trolley as just buying a new one...

I also saw a couple of people I'd not seen for ages yesterday. Martin Taylor, my old Scout Leader, who's still doing it, would you believe. He looks REALLY old. His daughter (who I can remember being born) is going to be eight soon. EIGHT! It's unbelievable.
The other person was Mrs. Drabble, my Art teacher from early GCSE, who had a nervous breakdown and had to leave. We must have all been real terrors. Apparently she's now doing a bit of temping on the side and just muddling through, but she seemed a lot happier. I told her so, and she laughed. I've never seen her laugh before, so that was nice.

This post is probably the longest I've ever written. I don't give a tiny rat's ass, you're reading it all, so you must obviously like it. So don't complain about my longness. I hate when people do that.

I've recently been looking at printers. There's a decent HP in the Comet next to me for £150, that does direct printing from memory card and camera, browsing from a built-in viewer without the need for the PC, and scanning at the same DPI as printing, the exact value of which I forget right now. But it's more than enough for comics and everything. I might just get it after my DS... before and I couldn't get it on launch day, and that'd be a disaster... I want First Hunt. :P

One of the main reasons I really want a printer is for Uni, of course, where I WILL need one, but also because I'm restarting FireBall. That's why it needs copying functionality. I sat down in one of my frees the other day and drew the next five comics. I'm getting much better at a standardised layout and style now... it's just colouring and spacing for text that I need to watch out for now.

It occurred to me that I could write a novel based upon an idea for a game I had... it would probably work better as a book, come to think of it. It's about invisible creatures, one of which who gets lost and has to make his way home by train. I'm not going to give any more away, because I think it's an awesome idea, and I don'[t fancy any plagiarism.

The yearbook will be out soon. They want embarrassing photos, and as I may have mentioned before, the one of Laura in a box is going to be submitted. The one of me for my quote and stuff is the same one that went on my Uni application form... I'll upload it shortly. We spent about twently minutes with Craig, Dad and Mum all taking photos, and each one was crap. So I took ONE myself, and it was the one I used. You'll see it.


...I guess this is the end of this bulletin for today. I hope you enjoyed it.

new stuff.

Ben has a blog now, apparently just so he can be random and respond to my stuff.

http://www.inyourendo.vze.com - I don't know why it's that PARTICULAR address, but still...

i'm awesome.

I was at Ben's house while he was at work to drop off some CDs, and I left him lots of little messages in the snow. Stuff like 'monkey trousers' and 'this is ben's car'. He logs on to MSN.

Will: get my drift?

titles are hard.

Why do the people I love most in my life always have to be the ones I need to deliberately distance myself from?

I can only hope that what hurts now is better than hurting continually in the long run.

something i never knew before.

Okay, how fucking big are placentas?! I thought they were about palm size, tops. I've just seen that they're actually big enough that you struggle to hold them in two cupped hands.

...holy hell.

ben's coolness rating raises two points.

"No, I am not gay and neither is Pele."

lust potions are the magical equivalent of rape.

Half-term's over. I haven't done ANY work.


...fuck.

monkey trousers.

I didn't have a title for this update. I've just read through my entire blog archive for the past two months, and I'd like to make an announcement.

I now lift three times as much as I used to regularly, and 5kg every now and again. For about 15 mins every day.


...I'm impressed, if I do say so myself.

a few forgotten memories...

I forgot to mention yesterday... there was a dog in the shop in a shopping bag for about half an hour, really scared. I stroked it in between serving customers. it was really small and cute.

I also put someone's cash in as £200 instead of £2. I've got the printout... I did something similar with coffees at Costcutter, I seem to remember.


Today we went and filmed in Macc. We rang through the drug dealer's memorial park, and that wasteland near it behind Gradus and uner the Silk Road. The one that you cross through to get to Joe's. And then we just drove around filming from the back seat. It was okay, but took about four hours... >.<

We introduced Teasdale to the DS. He's going to get his brother to get one and then steal it regularly.


That wasteland area under the bridge is actually quite good for parkour, but unfortunately I'm not nearly as seasoned as I should be to use it - not to mention that I lack the upper body strength/technique to pull myself up after a cat leap. I'd like to think it's technique and/or confidence. but I'm probably just weak.

some sort of birth defect.

I physically can't type a .co.uk address into a browser without first typing .cou.k and having to correct it. I also can't spell 'first' without mistyping it 'frist', or words with a double letter like 'fodd' or 'dorr', and words with repeated letters - 'sonsole' for 'console', for example.

There's something REALLY wrong with me.

i can't believe i never posted this.

http://www.pointsincase.com/quotes/2005/january/26-31.htm

Fifth quote down.

what the fuck?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What he said.

Why the hell would I have to copy you? Why would I want to? I'm not obsessed with you any more.


That being that, I had a few things to write about today. Oh yes.

GAME have a DS demo pod in now, with Wario Ware in it. It quite possibly rocks much more than the first time I played it. I'm definitely glad that I pre-orded it, no matter what Viggars says. It's a shame it's not multiplayer.
I've got back onto my workout, having dropped it recently. It was fucking with my sleeping patterns - I was speeding up my metabolism before I went to bed, apparently, and therefore being an arse to get up in the morning. Ah well - if I manage to get up early I do it then, now - if not, directly after I get home from school/work.

There's apparently some poison that made its way into Tesco's steak and kidney pies, which is lethal in large doses. I hope Viggars is okay.



...zing.

plagiarism.

Apparently I was copying Siân with that door poster thing. Lies, I tell you.

I took it because it was random. And I hate to see things getting thrown away. And it went on my door because it was just the right size and I didn't have anywhere else to put it.


Now take your flaming torches and pitchforks elsewhere.

Look what I won! 

the world is weird.

I stole a poster from work yesterday. It's okay, it was being thrown out. I ripped the bottom bar off that read 'yes! everything's £1!' and took it upstairs to put on my door.

I found some blu-tack on the floor and ripped it apart to put in the corners of the poster. I attached it to my door, and then noticed a faint smell of mint.

It wasn't blu-tack. it was a bit of chewing-gum that Craig had dropped in my room. How nice(!)

On to the more relevant pieces of news - probably one of the chaviest (new word!) people in Macc came into work and tried to buy a cleaver and a packet of scalpels.

I asked him for his ID.

"You need ID to buy knives?!"
"Yes."
"What kind of ID?!"
"Anything. Driver's licence, passport, any legal document," said I, fully aware that he wouldn't have any of these.
"Right," he said.
"He showed me a folded up piece of paper, and unfolded it, showing his name and his date of birth - 1984, or something.
"I can't accept that," I said.
"Okay, I'll just take the rest."

Not only was this piece of paper a complete joke - I mean, how could I verify his age with something like that - it had three lovely words across the top.

Criminal Justice Court.


I almost laughed when I saw it. I really did. What kind of complete retard, when asked to show identification for a potential weapon, shows a piece of paper that confirms they're a criminal?!

i'm not gay.

I analysed that dream that I had about the ice-cream men. Apparently the bus symbolises going along with the crowd, and ice-cream denotes fulfillment of life goals. Hence the fact that I was refusing perhaps suggests that I'm not happy to go along with the crowd?

Yes of course you can have some time on your computer, dear father. *is shot in the back with an arrow*

or just possibly...

The can you recycle could be a train, a car, a shopping trolley, or... a PLANE! Or, just possibly, it could be... another can.

this is my homepage. rocks, eh? 

look above.

I mentioned before that I made myself a homepage so that I could have easy access to every site I regularly visit. I'm constantly adding to it. Take a look above - if your favourite site isn't there, drop me a line.

driedel driedel driedel, i made you out of clay...

I have no idea why that title fits, it just does. Get over it.

This post is mainly about movies - I want to see, in no particular order, the Magic Roundabout, Ray, Batman Begins and the Hitchhiker's movie.

Apparently the first two will be fulfilled next week or something. Whoo!

Both Batman Begins and Hitchhikers are out in June/July, reverse respectively (I DON'T EDIT STUFF). So that's Batman in July and HHG in June. Both on the 30th, if Empire is to be believed.

Seriously, you should all head over to Amazon and check out the HHG trailer. Martin Freeman and Mos Def ARE Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect. Not too sure about the choice for Zaphod - but it works well enough.

"Does it come in black?"
"Zarquon! What was that?! ...RUN!"

...I can't wait.

a poem.

If vodka was water, and I was a duck,
I'd swim to the bottom and drink it all up.
But vodka's not water,
And I'm not a duck.
So pass me a bottle and shut the fuck up.

tears are liquor for the soul.

I have NO IDEA what that means, even though I wrote it, but it sounds damn cool.

I'm working tomorrow. I have to get up at nine in order to have a slight chance of getting any ICT done. This course decribed in a word: fail. With a capital F.

I'm just under so much stress that I actually want to cry for the first time in... something. Since about July last year, I think. And I know that it's me that's put myself under it and everything. But oh my fucking God, I just wish it would all go away. It's past the point now where I can actually help anything substantially by doing ANYTHING.



...you suck-diddly-uck, Flanders.

stupid things.

Apparently one of Craig's classmates asked the question 'Who's Camp David?' in a History lesson. The mind boggles.

the crazy world of rob miles.

This guy is a lecturer at Hull. He's ME, just about twenty years on, I swear. This is from his blog, which I've been reading religiously.

"A crucial component of the breadmaker was a little metal impeller which spun at different speeds during the bread making process as it mixed, pounded and otherwise worked on the dough. It had a habit of leaving itself impaled in the bread and, of couse, one day we threw out a loaf containing the precious bit of metal and in the process turned our bread maker into a large paperweight. If the bread it made had been nicer we would probably have eaten it rather than chucking it out. Which is kind of natural selection at work I guess."


Let's Get Awesome.

this guy is awesome.

http://www.pointsincase.com/valentines_compromise.htm

Yup yup.


I made a homepage for myself just now. it has 88x31 buttons of every site I regularly visit, all categorised and shiznit. So now I can get to every site in just two clicks without havig to type anything. Rock. It's also got a Google search integrated into the top.

Oh, and this is the shizzle, mah nizzle.

a d-pad made of roses.

I spent my Valentine's Day with Ryan! There's a lot of things you can do with a knob for just a few quid!

I think I need one of these.

haha... everyonk. nn2s again. (nothingnice.com) 

i could possibly be addicted to posting comic pictures. this is one i've meant to post for a while, i think it only means something to one person, and she probably doesn't even read this any more... but it's here anyway! stolen without permission from elgoonishshive.com. 

VD

"In Ancient Rome, the day of February 15 was Lupercalia, the festival of Lupercus, the god of fertility, who was represented as half-naked and dressed in goat skins. As part of the purification ritual, the priests of Lupercus would sacrifice goats to the god, and after drinking wine, they would run through the streets of Rome holding pieces of the goat skin above their heads, touching anyone they met. Young women especially would come forth voluntarily for the occasion, in the belief that being so touched would render them fruitful and bring easy childbirth."

How about that? I'll now go around slapping everyone with goat entrails while obscenely drunk, in the spirit of true love! They'll all offer themselves to me willingly and I shall have my pick of wenches! Hurrah!

forgettage.

Yeah, Peel gave me a Valentine's present: an invite to Gmail, finally. So from now on my new email address is willeth,atgmail,dotcom. It's formatted like that to stop trawlers. Hopefully there won't be any future hackage. And hopefully this time I can actually remember my Secret Question. >.<

Happy Valentine's Day, by the way. *cough*

virii.

Peel had an infected PC. He still does.
I had an infected PC. I don't any more, but I need to scan every few days to get rid of all the random shit that's on it.

I'm beginning to want a Mac for Uni...

so yeah.

Apparently I'm now going to completely fail ICT because I didn't hand any coursework in on Friday. I'm going to knuckle my knuckles down as much as I can this week and knock out a half-decent bit of work if I can... and hopefully save myself by handing it in on Monday. Bah... I need to get motivated.
I guess this half term holiday won't really be a holiday at all. Tomorrow I'm filming. Tuesday I'm going to do my English, and REALLY do it and get it all done, maybe taking a break to have an interview with Ian about Phoenix. Goddamn I'm going to be knackered. Wednesday I'm going to crack down with ICT and get the bulk of that out of the way, Thursday I'm filming for a short while with Ben and Friday it's back to ICT. Did I mention I'm working from four on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, and a full day on Saturday? That leaves Sunday for any clearing up of stuff I have to do before Monday's deadline of abso-fuckin-lutely everything.

Clearing up involves getting my English down pat, clearing up any filming I have to do with Ben/Ryan, AND fiddling with Access because it's a bitch.


Goddamn those hive beavers are busy little creatures.



I'm currently wearing a chain around my neck, which makes me look a bit like Spawn. Except that it doesn't. It came with the padlock that I bought for work.

...I really have nothing else to say. Goodnight!

more.

it would be awesome if we made a scots-man film.

it would be like what hot shots did for top gun... except for braveheart.
and we would have tom cruise in a mini-skirt.

FRIKKIN AWESOME.




...by the way, this is from an MSN conversation...

a free lesson: superhero creation

dernerdernerdernerderner SCOTSMAN!

you know, like scots - man.

like batman, but with the superhuman power for being scottish.

powers like... the high-pitched wailing of a bagpipe to confound his enemies, and the freedom of a breeze through the underkilt.

and his super-powered sidekick, the amazing partially eaten piece of buttered toast boy!

I can't get enough of Mitch Clem. I want his babies. 

personality.

I think that this method of posting causes a drop in the quality of my writing - that may be unfounded. It might even just be the font that it's printed in reflecting a different mood to that which I want.

Or it may just be that because Blogger offers on-the-spot quick posting to the blog that I just slam something off the cuff and don't bother with any interest, because it NEEDS to be done quickly. Otherwise I'm not using the service to its full potential, am I?

I'd like to digress a bit here and say something about the quality of the English language. Usually I'm very harsh on people for not knowing the meaning of common words (see two posts previously), or neglecting apostrophes (or adding them in at every opportunity that arise's [sic]), or something else of that nature.
I think it's because I could read at a very early age. Since before the so-called 'critical age period', I was able to read twice as well as any average child my age. I've always been intrigued by the written word, insofar as I've tried writing anything I could - prose, fan fiction, songs, scripts, comics, poetry, not necessarily in that order. And I do think that it's partially due to my literary prowes that I do well in exams. That's right kids, you don't need to know your stuff, you just need to be able to fool this examiner into thinking you do! If you don't know a specific point, be ambiguous enough to give the gist of it without giving away that you actually have no idea what you're on about. In an Ethics exam, explain that GM foods should not be used because it reinforces the negative energy of the natural world, and provides karmic imbalance to the growers of organic produce, in accordance with religious beliefs.

more to come.

uf is hilarious.

"Don't trust red squirrels, they're so crap at Monopoly and they don't like drinking tea."

some annoying literacy points.

I suppose I should make this Common Literary Errors That Annoy Me, Vol. 2 but I can't be arsed. Basically I ask you to look at what's wrong with the next two sentences, both lifted from 'Body Shock: Orgasmatron' last night.

"In my first marriage I was completely celibate."
"I can't have an orgasm, which means I can't enjoy sex - I'll just have to live the rest of my life asexually."

Answers on Friday. First person to tell me correct answers to both gets a free hug.

goths.

"You wear white face-paint and tongue-studs. You listen to Slipknot. You get a hard-on from watching the Addam's Family. You wonder why your Dad hits you? It's because you're a shitty goth!"
"A shit was done into a traffic cone and thrown off the top of a car park, splattering onto a vicar, a blind man, a single mum and the old man off the Werther's Originals advert. Kerbie threw up at the smell... again. We jumped in the car and headed home to watch Jump Britain." ~ Curry Club

Went into Manchest-aw today to go to an ICT trip, and got accused of skiving. Skiving! Me! I ask you.
It was boring, but I got to go shopping bought a pair of trainers from TK Maxx. You should've seen it, it was hilarious. I had about six or seven pair of shoes lined up and I was trying each one on in turn and leaping a few metres to test how good they were for parkour. By far the weirdest were an electric blue pair of Pumas - they had bobbles on the sole that tickled me.
The odd thing was that none of the staff seemed too bothered, the customers didn't give me a second look, and when one pair had such shoddy grip that I lost my balance no-one laughed. I guess this IS the northern parkour capital of the UK... *cough*
there were a couple of other traceurs wandering around while I was, but they didn't come up and say hi. I felt unloved.

something i was thinking about today.

What can be done with computer games now? They can hear, feel and see - Ghost Recon, the DS and the EyeToy - and even balance, given Kirby's Tilt'n'Tumble and Wario Ware Twisted.

...how the hell can games be taught to smell and taste stuff? And how would it be used in a game? I found something online that can replicate smells... the mind boggles.

You're in Resident Evil 5, and you come across a corpse - suddenly you physically gag, outside the game world, because your console just let off a burst of Rotting Flesh No. 5 in your general direction. Or you're playing Pikmin... you go left, and it's normal. You go right, and a lovely smell of flowers gets ever stronger until you find a boss who you have to attack differently, purely on how it smells.

And don't even get me started on taste.


You might say I'm discriminating against people who have a poor sense of smell, or whatever. But don't games already do that for the blind?

czech this comic out. from the creator of nn2s. 

Wut you lookin' at, boi? 

i didn't mean that.

Okay, I think a really long-ass post is in order, just to bring everything up to speed.

I started my job at Poundland. It's good, I get to stand for nine hours and go 'bip!'
I put down a deposit for a DS and spent the next three hours standing in the shop playing it. Joe, WHY DIDST THOU NOT TELL ME IT WAS SO AWESOME?! ...eth.
Four weeks, five days. As far as I can make out, I'm not very good with countdowns.
Going to Manchester tomorrow, to see how Fujitsu do stuff - I'm also going to unlock Craig's phone and buy myself some decent trainers. Well, I say decent. I mean from TK Maxx. You decide.
Did some filming yesterday, and ended up with enough bloopers to satisfy Jim Carrey. And got enough convincing footae for me to consider acting as a secondary career.
Except that that's a lie.

I was lied to yesterday. I was told that the DS's wireless function enabled wireless GBA games (Pokémon FiredRed, LeafGreen, Emerald and Mario Golf Advance Tour) to with multiplayer.

How unbelievably wrong. Took Viggars into town to test it out and HOW WRONG IT WAS. But he put a deposit down for one, so that's all good.

Him: Will, I need money for Uni, I'm not going to get one. It's not as good as you make it out to be.
*plays Mario 64 DS for twenty seconds*
Him: Holy goddamn.
*puts deposit down*

...and he used my reward card, so I get a fiver's worth of points. Game case for me!

this is not a recurring thing, honest

"Kids spend several hours a day playing video games and less than 15 minutes in P.E. Most can’t do two push-ups. Many are obese."

Goddamn, America sucks ass.

just had to share this with you.

"My Nan is more powerful than a PS2." - cube-europe forums.

a note to all those illiterates.

It's 'to all intents and purposes'. NOT 'to all intensive purposes'.

You're not making yourself sound big and clever, you know.

shoddy worksmanship.

My Beat Bullying band came today, at long last. However, as soon as I got it out of the packet and stretched it to fit over my wrist, it snapped and flew halfway across the room.

I stapled it together, and it's fine now, but goddamn.

I kinda wish it had hit me in the eye and done some damage. Then I could sue the BBC and be rich, muhahah.

In other news...

annoyance.

School has blocked Blogger. So I can't even type posts from school now.
Man that sucks.

...I found a good spot for parkour on the Upton today, on the roof of the Oval. It's perfect for a wall run up to the top of it, a cat onto a higher roof and a gap-cat to vault over a railing, and then off the stairs and roll... not much point to it, which I guess isn't parkour, but it looks damn cool.

Yeah. More to come. I'm knackered though.

updated banner. apaprently the one before was too big. 

My banner for urbanfreeflow. I think it's pretty neat. :p 

Go here: http://www.joeandmonkey.com - and while you're at it, http://www.nothingnice.com is back up and running again.