Large Concrete Bridge

"YES!" said Mr. Shigelrink and went to a large dinghy where ten octopi lived with Angela Rippon. Bubble, otherwise known as Bingeldy, shot several minutes. My cactus nine ten elevenly burst into song, whining about something or other. Meanwhile, an ant exploded. In other towns, raging police haemorrhoids were really chaffing my chauffeur made of leopard. Dancing beans, laughs.



Yes, I have too much free time.

wallpaper.

i'm working on a couple of winter-een-mas wallpapers, hopefully to be completed before the end of the holiday, although knowing me, it probably won't. one depicts the king on a soapbox, proclaiming the holiday to the world. the other signifies the end of the festival, hanging up the staff, cloak and crown for another year.

How amazing. Take a look at the title of my response. 

more idiocy.

camstun187: like, my satire, what satire? what does satire even MEAN?
camstun187: is it some connection with 666?
camstun187: the devil, perhaps?
MonarchOfTheSky: no, that's satAN.
camstun187: huh?

people are retards.

camstun187: hey mian look, it's monarch of the VGChat
MonarchOfTheSky: wtf.
camstun187: how's VGChat, the most innovative and fun video game message board, hows it been doing mian
MonarchOfTheSky: Wouldn't know. Not been on it too much recently.
camstun187: xfrgw4enpihgt32rft
camstun187: qw'fd;asf
camstun187: god damn you
MonarchOfTheSky: Happy Winter-een-mas, by the way.
camstun187: lamLAMLAmLmaLMA HAR HAR
camstun187: thanks mian
MonarchOfTheSky: Wow. Almost a year or so on and you're still the most retarded person I've ever seen on the internet. Congraduration.
camstun187: it's congraTUlations
camstun187: ALmlamlAMLAMalm
MonarchOfTheSky: Goddammit.
camstun187: ?!?!?!?
MonarchOfTheSky: You wouldn't recognise satire if it slapped you in the face with a wet fish.
MonarchOfTheSky: Or parody, for that matter.
camstun187: oh what, your sad little asian joke?
camstun187: saying Congraduration?
camstun187: instead of the original?
camstun187: no, i'm not as stupid as you think
MonarchOfTheSky: You see, you are.
MonarchOfTheSky: Because it's not that joke.
camstun187: no I am no
camstun187: WHA?!??!?!
camstun187: BAH GAWD
camstun187: LAmlAMlmALMALMAlAM
MonarchOfTheSky: It's taking the piss out of people who use that joke in all seriousness.
camstun187: LAMlmALAMlam you are so clever, mian
MonarchOfTheSky: I know. And you're not. Goodbye.

there's nothing i have to say.

But how is that different from any other post? Today's boring, and nothing good is happening at all. Unless you count whacking PC over the head with a broken Magic 8-Ball.

Good times. Or are they?

A Happy Winter-een-mas, Everyone.

In the spirit of the season, I've decided to recount my memories of gaming lore and so forth - but alas, I cannot, as I don't have time and I can't be arsed. Maybe this isn't, actually, at all in the spirit of the season, but screw you guys. I'm off to play UT2003 on my inferior PC.

Thanks for letting me know. 

people are arses.

I was walking home from town today and these three complete knobheads with a motorbike come roaring down the Middlewood Way, almost right into me.

Bastards. I fantasise about guns, faces, and diamond-tipped bullets.

*makes animal noises*

http://www.moo-oink.com - seriously. best meat-related site evar.

Apparently Ste has cracked his head open more times than Soft Mick. I have absolutely NO FUCKING CLUE what that means... but I'm sure it's something regional.

Kendal's coming in to school today. So that's something to look forward to. Bored now...

*logs off*

freaks - rock the disco.

It's bizarre how much music I have that's good. Yes, I've got my fair share of crap, but I used to buy the Now albums for the first CD - now I'm finding myself going through them all again and listening to the second one, and properly appreciating it for its awesomeness.

I also have some Stereophonics from before they were famous, along with A's first known single. How random.

forty-two.

I'm trying to remember the hilarious conversation we had on the way to the bus stop today, but I bloody can't. It was something to do with different ways of exiting cars, and the speed of light? I don't know. Something daft.

Plugged Pokémon Box in just now. I can actually transfer them onto it from Ruby, Sapphire, Fire Red and Leaf Green. So aside from using my GameBoy Player I can transfer everything over and get bonuses as well. Such as a Surfchu... *grins*

jobbiness.

Yeah, the guy at Poundland offered me the job. I don't remember wheher I said that I was having second thoughts about taking it, but it's better money than I've ever had from a job and I decided to go ahead with it.

On a whim, I rang up the guy today and asked about changing my contract to do a few evenings and one weekend day, instead of a full sixteen hour weekend. Turns out it's possible. So I'm starting at 9:30 on Feb 5th. And I'm going to pop in tomorrow afternoon and get a list of stuff I need to bring - presumably my passport, my bank card, and my measurements. *cough*

Looks like I'll be able to afford a DS after all.

not to worry.

I'm happy again. Mood swing alert, guys.

life sucks.

you heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen.

game warden to the events rhino.

Today I really should have revised, but I didn't. Instead I hooked my GameCube up to the computer, wrote out pointless jokes, evolved a few Pokémon, would you believe - anything to prevent doing some ICT. So now I have a module tomorrow and no revision.

Ah well. There's always resits. And I only need a C in two subjects to get into Uni, and it's all pretty much covered by my almost certain A in Media. Bah.

Things are falling apart here at home. My family seems to fluctuate between a very brief period of harmony and love and everything little girls are made of. Then it slowly declines over a period of months - eight? ten? - until everyone's shouting and it's all slugs, snails and puppy dog's tails.

And everyone makes a resolution to stop drinking so much or shouting so often. And that brief month of sugar and spice is on us again. Ho hum.

Guess which period we're currently in? Yeah.


In other news, since I never said, Lincoln is a very possible first choice University. The course is exactly what I envisaged it to be when I first thought 'hmm. Game Dev could be fun.' And the place is great, the people are great, the rooms are great. My only reservation is that the beds are too small for me. I have longness.

But yeah, I'm sure that can be fixed.


Dad's yelling. Again. Bye all.

something mother just said.

"Will, will you make sure all of your washing is in the basket now, please? I'm doing a black wash."

I don't quite know what this says about me.

doin' it bloggy style.

I just love that phrase.

No, that did not require a new post.

holy merciful crapfuck!

After the last entry, I've done some searching, and I can't find any veritable documentation on the infamous lighthouse joke. I will rectify that, tomorrow. I could be the first person to document it on the Internet... although I doubt that.
More pointless jokes to come, and if you know me, there's a lot.
I've also disabled anonymous comments, because ben was being a bitch and posting random crap all over the place.

Stupid Pointless Jokes I Know: Vol. 1

A man is walking down the street and he passes a guy going the other way who has an orange for a head. He thinks to himself that if he doesn't ask why this guy has an orange for a head it will annoy him forever, so he chases after this guy and says,
"Excuse me for asking, but why have you got an orange for a head?"

"Well," the gentleman replies, "it's a really funny story actually. One day I was walking through town, minding my own business, and this genie pops up out of nowhere. He says I can have three wishes. So I thought about it for a while, and for my first wish I asked for £100 million.
The genie then clicked his fingers, told me to go and check my bank account, and disappeared. So I went and checked it - and lo and behold, there it was. Just over £100 million in my account.
The genie pops up again and asks me what my second wish is. Not being a very big hit with the ladies I decided to ask for ten women on call at any hour of the day to fulfil my every sexual need. "Done," says the genie, and disappears into thin air.
When I got home I was greeted by ten beautiful women who immidiately ripped my clothes off and begin to pleasure me in ways I never imagined.
Later on that day the genie pops up once again and says,
"Right, only one more wish left, what will it be?"
Realising this is my last wish, I thought long and hard and after twenty minutes of long, hard meditation I asked;

"Can I have an orange for a head?"



I have a lot of these. Look for the 'Random Meaningless Title: Vol. n in a bookstore near you soon.

Questions I Should Know The Answer To But Don't: Vol. 1

Q: Why do swans have such abnormally long necks?

A: After much searching on the internet (read: a quick stab at Google and a half-hearted Wikipedia trawl), I've come up with the conclusion that it's evolutionary.
No, it's not a very sophisticated answer. The full answer (which ties in too much with Darwinian theory, and you can read up on that in your own time, so sorry if I'm brief) is that at some point, what WAS a swan had an abnormally large neck. This enabled it to feed on the roots and plant life on the bottom of the pond just that little bit easier. That then meant it became a lot more active and nourished than the others, and was able to survive to spread its seed (and hence the long-neck genes) on to its offspring, eventually killing off the breed with the shorter, less functional neck.

Yeah. Swans have long necks to reach plant life at the bottom of the river without running out of breath/dying/both.

Oh, and an interesting(ish) factoid for you. The mute swan is not mute. It hisses, grunts, and barks. And all swans actually belong to the Queen.

back to regularities.

Okay, I honestly can't remember what I put in my last post, but here goes.
We've now installed a 7200rpm 250Gb HDD in the machine, completely blank, and installed XP Pro onto it. So we all have our own accounts and shit. And I have to remember to log out when I leave, but I get customised stuff. So hurrah for me.

I got something in the post yesterday - a FireBall Comics poster. It's awesome on a stick. I'll post a picture soon, although I do need to install CuteFTP on this machine in order to do that. Something I don't relish.

Also, the CDs I sent out internationally have arrived, and everyone's happy. So I'm happy.

Got to get up at 5am tomorrow morning, because for some reason mother thinks we need to get into Lincoln for nine. But they repeat all the crap in the afternoon anyway. Ah well. I love early starts and late nights - I'm babysitting that night for Jane.

I also have an ICT module on Monday morning, and then mock exams ALL THROUGH THE NEXT WEEK.
And I mean all through. I don't have a reak for filming or anything. At this rate none of my coursework will get done. And I'll fail everything and die like a dog.

Ah well. Reports to come, if I'm not revising. Which I won't be.

expinternet.

Back online - bought a new hard drive, installed xp, set it up again. All well and good.

Hopefully the network will now work a lot better than before. If so, fire up the servers, someone's gonna get some ownage.

Sorry.

just a quick note

Computer's still broken, not a chance of fixing it until I have a spare moment - which won't be for a while. Afraid I'll have to leave it up to Dad, and see if he manages to muddle through. So no updates for a while. :(

this is a post, surprisingly enough.

Yeah, nothing much to do again. I'm still in ICT (as I was in the last post), but now it's quarter past two. Yay.

You could actually reach more staff that way, wouldn't you. Everyone gets trained.

[whistling]

It could reduce the costs of training staff because you only have one person who comes in to train the staff, you don't have to send someone away on a course and have the expenses of sending them away on training.


Transcripts suck. Maybe I can revise from this later.

open evening is poopy.

I could either go to Media and get a jump start on my coursework, help with ICT and get a couple of free beers, or just do nothing. I'm going to go to Hull on that day, too, so I'll probably not be able to do anything anyway. Ho hum.

Being nagged now. Later.

oh, the weather outside is frightful.

it snowed this morning. and yes, i know this post is only a few seconds after the other, but i felt it needed its own entry.

apparently the weather's been dodgy everywhere else. not least that we don't expect snow here - we only get this horrible brown sludgey shit - but there's actually been snow in hawaii. HAWAII!

i'm sure this is a portent of dread, or something. swarms of bees in houses, that kind of thing. i hope i get my ordainment through soon, otherwise there could be a time where i'm called upon to perform an exorcism, and i won't be able to because i'm not an official member of the clergy.

think about it - a bloody noah's ark situation in thailand, the world jerking off its axis and the seasons going wild. the end is nigh.

by nigh, by the way, i mean 'coming'. just not particularly soon.


oh - i got the pack for the english language mock today. it's about backpacking. there's a section in it about thailand:

'Take care when swimming off the coast of Phuket as strong riptides make swimming dangerous.'

oh, the ironing.

an unusual neologism.

i have no idea when this word first sprung up. what i do know, however, is that it applies in every day life. everyone, no matter who, where or what you are, knows someone who suffers from being snuber.

yes, snuber. it's the condition of really needing a cigarette in a public situation where it is absolutely forbidden, and then FORCING ANOTHER MEMBER OF YOUR PEER GROUP TO FOLLOW YOU OUTSIDE WHILE YOU BREATHE CANCER INTO THEIR FACE.

and for some reason, i'm always the snubee - the victim of the line 'come out with me for a fag'. everyone else says no, but for some reason the situation is 'oh, will'll go out with you'.

how am i supposed to say no to that? so i'm forced to be standing outside on the overflow car park in the freezing cold, get my feet wet twice, and bring my asthma back again - because i'm such a nice goddamned guy.

stupid semantics.

i hate this keyboard.

in media again with the keyboard that doesn't work right.

so my computer at home is completely buggeruped. we've lost a dll somehow, but i'm fairly sure that i can restore it from my xp machine - only thing is, it looks to have something to do with network settings, so i might have to reconfigure everything. which i REALLY don't fancy doing.

craig's had some random quotes these past weeks.

"i keep losing my train of th..."

and

dad: is he a policeman?
craig: no, don't be silly. he's a traffic cop.


updates to come (http://www.parsnip.com)

the address is peppered

I had an interview today; I got the job. Yay.
Insofar as anything else goes, I'm bored. Might invite Ben over, he doesn't seem to be at work today. That is, if I can get access to the TV for long enough.

"I don't want photorealistic graphics! If I want photorealistic I will just go outside, it even smells better there!" ~Ray Falling

Random Emails I Get: Vol. 1

No Catch - Literal Skill! The equal case of research
that invented another marvel narcotics, has now produced a radical
herbal lozenge that can gain your penis size by 1" to 4"
in verily a couple of short hebdomads! Just ingest 2 my lozenges each day...
It will produce your member increase a huge 23%!


A couple of short hebdomads?

Horrible, bone-chilling news!

Craig: Will, come here, I've got something awful to tell you.
Will: What?
Craig: Busted have split up!

ryan is next to me

Everyone's getting extremely excited about this blog thing (natch). So.


MICK JUST DRANK MY WEEEEEEEE! (http://www.fullyramblomatic.com)

filmic.

I need permission to go and film Ben running in and out of Rudyard Lake, apparently. It's annoying. what's more annoying is this damn shift key not working...
so another post without capitalisation is in order.
i want to go and film ben emerging from rudyard lake in a black shroud, for my media trailer - it's coursework. it's sort of a blair witch/secret window type thing, except that it's not like it at all.
miss birch is wary. but i am, of course, a responsible person who would make sure that ben would have hot lemsip and stuff.

i wonder if there's a budget to buy the shroud with?

too early in the morning

This morning is amazingly tired. And I know that's not a coherent sentence, but you can bugger off, grammar nazi. Not king real very die him!

We all managed to get out of the house late today. Craig's coursework and stuff. I'm probably going to load GTA on the Media PCs at some point.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm posting here, as I have no more news. Bye.

it's harder than notpron.

http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~pennck/pboc/#

A New Post Because I'm Addicted

This is a fad, but I keep remembering stuff that I haven't written. And because of ease of posting, I can.

First of all, I urge you all to take a gander at http://deathball.net/notpron. It's possibly the most amazingly hard puzzle in the universe.
I'm on level thirty-one, with collaboration from Viggars and a little help from PC. I bet you can't get past level three without a walkthrough. :)

Anyhoo. I've been playing GTA2 (it downloaded while I was at school, I'm cunning like that), and it's... different. I'm not too fond of the respect system when I have to have keyboard input. It's too much thinking time. With a control pad you can let your subconscious do the legging about and your higher brain function do the 'okay so if I kill this bloke then these people will like me but if they like me the gang I'm trying to get in with won't and there's one near me so I'd better shoot him with a silencer so I get the best of both worlds'. With a keyboard you've always got 'oh shit where's the silencer button now fire OH MY GOD THEY MOVED THE FIRE BUTTON ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE KEYBOARD FOR THE SEQUEL right now fire shit I missed turn clockwise SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT...' etc. going on, mixing up your thought patterns.

Yeah.

I sent CDs off to random places today. Martin, yours should be arriving within the next two or three days. Danielle, if you're reading this, I have no idea when yours will arrive. Keep checking to see if the flags gone up on the mailbox. I'd guess about five-eight days. Knowing the horror stories about the USPS, probably more. :)

Well now I'm tired. Off to work out and then bed. Night all.


"And underneath the newspaper were my biscuits." ~Arthur Dent

addendum

Oh yeah - posts are now comment-on-able. Forgot to mention that. AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE EDIT BUTTON, SMACKTARDS.

another post for today.

Craig ate my chips today. ALL THREE OF THEM. So that pissed me off. What pissed me off more was that I had only one lesson today in which I did nothing. Yay... school sucks balls.
It's just so damned BORING.
Anyhoo. That big bit of news I was leading up to and didn't mention? Here it comes.
Viggars and Amy are no more. I don't know whether I should be publishing this on t'Internet for everyone to see, but I figure it's going to get out sooner or later, and Amy's going to be crying for the next fifteen weeks anyway, so what does it matter.
What I won't detail are his reasons for doing it. That's his business, keep your noses out. He tries to pretend he's not affected, but we can tell. We're here for you, kiddo.
Yeah. So. School sucks because crap stuff happens there.

"In other news, he was a skater boy, she said see you later boy, he wasn't good enough for her. More on that story later."

bored...

I'm sitting here in Media, on the internet as usual. And for some reason on some keys the shift buttons doesn't work. So the rest of this will be typed without the shift key (i can't be arsed with pressing and repressing caps lock).
so yeah. save the fact that this is either going to sound like a hyperactive twelve year old girl (http://ilovescot.blogspot.com), or nyarlathotep (http://www.ghettonet.biz/mbizzle) for a minute, and just listen to my random musings on life, the universe and everything.
speaking of which, the hitchhiker's guide movie is well under way. looking forward to it. as well as batman. seems i'm off on a tangent...
this blog thing might work a lot more successfully than my previous one, because i can update it at any point - also i can do it wherever i am instead of needing an ftp client. and people can leave comments whenver they want and send posts to friends and shit. yeah. try it out, if you dare.
i'm bored of media but i'm also bored of this, so i'm logging off now. more tonight.

"Not king real very die him!" ~ Ethan

More news!

Okay, so there's a pretty huge piece of news that I'll probably tell you about when I get home tonight. Yeah, I'm posting this from school. Yeah, I can do that now. :) Only annoying thing is that the space bar doesn't work.
I've almost finalised my design for my Triforce tattoo. I'm pretty sure I'm the first person to get one done on my hand - chuck me an email if you know otherwise.
I'm also considering the parkour glyph (I think I mentioned this yesterday, and if I did, sorry for repeating myself). I'm sure I mentioned the site, but here it is again - urbanfreeflow.com.
Yeah but there's a load of knobheads around me right now, and I'm hungry. Bye.

Yay it's working!

Okay, this'll have to do for the time being. The good thing is that I onw actually having a working update format and I don't have to fiddle with months or days or whatever. That's all done for me!
For those looking for the old posts (although I don't know why you'd want to), take a gander here. It'll open in a new window.
Okay. News. Quite a bit, actually. I've decided (since I went to the premiere of Jump britain in London) to take a much more serious attitude to le parkour, the French discipline - otherwise known as freerunning. Now, I've always kinda done this in some capacity or another, be it vaulting over railings for a laugh or taking the inside track on a spiral staircase - but this takes it to a whole new level, and it's made me realise that it's actually what I've always wanted to do with myself.
Not for no reason have I had dreams since I was little of flying. Not for nothing is my internet handle usually 'Wings'. It's almost like a calling.
This brings me onto my next point - to get into shape for parkour, I've started working out. The first time I went out bounding from wall to wall (like a lumberjack!) my calves repaid me with three days of pain. So I'm working out.
Nothing amazingly drastic at first - just lifting a kilogram with each arm fifteen times in a variety of ways in the morning and evening. Then some with my legs, although they're annoying because I almost clout myself in the chin with the weights... then fifty sit-ups.
In fact, this could serve as my workout diary as well, checking my progress. more as it develops.
There's probably some more. Oh yes. New Year's Resolution, to counteract those of most other people, is to smoke more. Because loads of other people are giving up, this is an attempt at karmic balance.*
in other news, Nikki's a bitch. For more, read http://www.spearbritney.vze.com. Click on 'me', then 'People' then scroll down to Nikki's special link. There'll be a direct link next post but my PC has no memory left.
That's because I've downloaded the entirety of GTA1. It's available for download at http://www.rockstargames.com/classics along with GTA2 and a random racing game - I think.
Anyway, before my RAM completely gives out, I will say adieu and goodbye.

*joke


"Time's up. What's it gonna be, Merv?" ~ Trinity

altgeek

This is an attempt to set up a new blog system which means that I don't have to fiddle with all the code every time I want to change something. Fingers crossed!