The Daily Show

So, what's up with this. In two days, I've had people complaining that I don't update this thing every day.

Wait, what? This was never the deal. I update this thing when I feel like it. It's not like there's some guy standing over me going 'come on, now, you'd better report on what's happening in your life, otherwise there'll be some people on the Internet with nothing to do.' If I tried to stick to some sort of schedule, then I know it'd just be forced, ruined, etc. You don't see 665's JSP doing that sort of thing. You don't see Zach Braff updating his blog every day. So why am I expected to do it, eh?

When I said that I'd roughly managed a post a day, that wasn't because of some weird agenda. That was because I'd done 365 posts in a year. Sometimes I did five posts a day, other times I didn't post for a fortnight. Quit yer bitching.



Anyway. I do have something to report, as a matter of fact. I only just found out that Shannon Elizabeth (Nadia from American Pie) is married to Joe Reitman. This is the weirdest pairing of people I've ever seen. I mean, this:



...married to this:





Yeah, I can totally see the attraction.

Something Useless I Did While Bored

Inspired by Rob Miles' blog. Link on the right.

Popping Up All Over The Place

When Rudeness Is Funny

"Fuck off, Norway."

~Paul Gascoigne, on being asked if he had a message for the people of Norway



Took that from the first few pages of Lynne Truss's [sic] new book, Talk To The Hand, which I've only just picked up after having it since November. Awesome.

An Educational Experience

Today has been a day where I have learned many things.

Firstly, Apu was right. The last digit is 1.

Next, you can kill someone with an iPod. (Of course, this isn't really true.)

Third, that going out and practicing parkour with about thirty others, all of whom are significantly more skilled than you, can give you a great desire to meet their standards and give you a real boost of confidence in doing a LOT of freerunning in a day.

Also, that doing the aforementioned activity without warming up first is a sure-fire way to make your muscles seize up by the time it's time to walk home.

Next - walking home and getting lost on the way, forcing an hour-long round trip as opposed to a twenty minute one, is not an ideal situation when you can hardly walk.

Finally, that getting a train to and back from London could either cost me £12 or £44, depending. Depending on what, I could't find out. Annoying.


My day, in a nutshell. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

Return To Sender

Wednesday, Jan 25th, around 3:30 - got a call from an unknown caller, who didn't ring back. Anyone?

Against Me! Will Be Playing A Show

There will be opening bands and everything!

Viggars and Peel - March 15th. I'll be going to the one on the 17th, here.

If you can persuade them to play 'Angel, The Vampire With A Soul' when they get to Sheffers, it's be wicked.

Hot Anal Cowboy Roughage

[THIS POST CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS, AND UNLESS YOU LIKE SPOILAGE YOU'D BETTER NOT READ IT, OR STUFF WILL BE SPOILED. YOU HAVE BEEN FOREWARNED.]

So, Brokeback Mountain. It's a damn good film. I'd really recommend it to anyone. Except for one thing.

Do NOT go and see it in a packed cinema. While everyone might want to feel like they're perfectly okay with their sexuality, and everything, there's still a mass of pent-up tension every time there's anything remotely like a gay scene, and subsequently anything that's not gay but rather poignant gets greeted with a nervous laugh from everyone in the room, and completely kills the moment. For example - the two characters. Ennis and Jack, meet up after a four-year gap of seeing each other, after their first meeting, friendship, and romance. Ennis is married, but as soon as he sees Jack arrive on his doorstep they hug, and eventually begin to make out - out of view of the whole street, but in view of the front door of Ennis' house. His wife emerges, and sees the two of them. Her face is a picture of shock, terror, and mistrust - and the audience burst out laughing.

I mean, whoa, wait, what?! The woman's just found out that her husband is cheating on her with a man. Not only that, but it means that the protagonist now will have to deal with her being distant and unloving. His future isn't too pretty if he stays with this woman, which we know he will do because of the comunity's negative stance on being gay.

How exactly is this amusing?! Answer: It's not. People need to stop thinking they're modern and whatever by doing stuff like this. At the bottom line, it would not nearly have been as popular if it was about a straight relationship, because it would have been written off as just another romance (albeit with a nicely-done ending). Hell, even if it were a lesbian couple there would have been fewer viewers, because that's somewhat accepted. But shove in a couple of blokes - oh, here we go, this is new and arty, I'm going to go and see this because it assures me greater social status - no. Just no. Appreciate it because it stirs something inside you, not because it says something about you. The same kind of people who refer to Memoirs of a Geisha to describe Japan today, for example (and yes, that was a Lost reference).


Amnyway, rant over. It's actually a very dark movie, about society's constraints on people who just want to live their life how they see fit. There's a constant strain on these two guys - both felt themselves forced into marriage because they felt they had to hide their homosexuality, and both were ultimately forced into not having a happy life because of that. They sneak around for the few precious moments they can have together, peacefully and without interruption, and actually be themselves. I don't know how accurate a portrayal this is of homosexual life back then, but it certainly felt that way.

What's interesting is that I seemed to feel the exact opposite of the rest of the audience when watching it. The times I felt tense was when Ennis and Jack were apart, and relaxed when they were together. You can really empathise with these characters and understand what they're going through, which is very bizarre - for a heterosexual man to feel what a homosexual feels is something that doesn't happen very often.


It's well worth seeing. If you're easily depressed, then well, it's not quite the movie for you, as there's no happy endings for anyone. But the experience you'll have is excellent. Jake Gyllenhaal gives a stunning performance in the argument by the lake, and there's not a casting I can fault (except perhaps Christina Ricci, but she does a sterling job of being as annoying as ever). Not only that, but the film contains roughly two thousand sheep in the opening hour or so, so Siân should be kept happy.

Again. Go. See. It. Unless you're one of those pretentious bastards I metnioned earlier.

Wastages

< GhostCow > skynyrd are evil
< Willeth > nah, not evil
< Willeth > good music, shitty fans
< Willeth > like punk
< Willeth > and all other music
< Willeth > except for the 'good music' part

A Dream I Had (And No-One Cares)

So I was running away from these people for some reason. And we had a dead body. I think we'd just come out of a cinema with a very ornate balcony. We get to a door, down some stone stairs. It's a wooden archway-shaped door. One of the other people shouts.

"The best way to hide in Hollyoaks is to go into Narnia!"

So we go down into this dank corridor - two people go right, dragging the body. I go left. I come to another door, and inside is a bar from Victorian times. I see someone I recognise at the other end of the bar, and he's somehw stuck here from another time.
I order a Newcastle Brown Ale. She doesn't know what I mean. I get some weird can of brown beer - oddly enough, a modern one with a ringpull - tastes okay, if with a slight tinny taste. I drink a bit more, and something nudges my lips.

I reach in and pull out a very soggy, bloodless human finger, complete with retracted skin around the fingernail. I open the top of the can (somehow) and there's a whole hand in there. I pull it out. I am strangely unphased.

I go over to the other end of the bar, grab a pen and parchment, and start to write something. And this is where it gets hazy again - I then go and exit the bar, follow the stone corridor, and wake up, I think.



Okay. What the fuck.

Continued

Okay, so there was a bit in the last post that I didn't expand upon. mainly, the title.

I bought Office Space on DVD. I thought it was an absolute travesty of a film.
Seriously, why does anyone go on about this? It's not even that funny. I mean, the TPS reports thing, yes, but after the first time it's not that good at all. And the same humour is repeated, time after time after time - TPS reports, hesitation of the boss, flair - no, no, no. have some variety.

The only other bit of news I've got is comic-related, and I'm not going to divulge it until I know something for certain - namely, whether I'm going to do it or not. We all know me, that I can't keep something like this in for long, but I'm keeping schtum for the moment. Just this, though - it's not FireBall related.

# Nightwish - The Pharaoh Sails To Orion #

So This Geek Goes Into A Game Shop...

...and he says 'I assume my application was unsuccessful.'

'No,' the manager replies, 'we're still interviewing!'

*audience laughter*

A Public Service Announcement

ATTN: Those who enjoy Hoegaarden. DO NOT DRINK HOEGAARDEN GRAND CRU.
It is of the devil. It is pure arse-gravy. Loose stool water of the highest order.

In other words, it's fucking disgusting.

My Red Swingline

The last few days have been pretty rad. Two of the easiest exam in existence (I'm serious - I think I used one formula throughout the whole maths one, and the rest of it was 'what is the mode of these variables? And the variables are 22, 41, 31, 31, 31, 40, 22, 31, 31, 31, and 31. I finished it in my head in the reading time and then wrote the paper in two minutes), and then just a constant rush of concentrated awesome every since we got out of that.

I won in yet another Mario Kart three-way, too.


Okay, now I had other things planned for this post, including going to see Jarhead and my insomnia returning, but this is slightly more important. My vision is fucked.

Just before the above paragraph, while typing, everything swayed from colour to monochrome. And now, it just did it again. I don't know whether this could be caused by lack of sleep or too much time staring at the monitor, but I know one thing for sure. I'm getting off this here internets and getting my head down tonight.

I'll just leave you with this:


< Ben > I'm just off to cook myself a Chicken Kung Po
< Willeth > that sounds like it was personally hatched by chuck norris
< Willeth > then slaughtered with a roundhouse kick to the beak once it had reached maturity.

Of course, MSN is being shithouse madeira, so he ddn't get my replies. But he knows, now.


I'll see you after the sandman visits. Night!

# Fall Out Boy - Sugar We're Going Down (oll) #

Joseph Frickin' Rules

So, I just got this in the post.



It's my art that I asked for from Joe Dunn, along with my Digital Pimp shirt, which I shall be wearing to Oasis. Not only that, but a little card depicting him and his ass. Absolutely wicked.

Joerules? I think that's a fairly accurate name. I'm going to frame them and get him to sign it if and when I see him. And the Mitch of all Clemness, as well.


You can keep your musicians and actors. These are my idols.

# Hurricane #1 - Twilight World #

Don't Panic!

One day left. Revision to the max!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


#Alien Ant Farm - She's Only Evil#

Save Tonight

I think tonight I should be able to sort out my insomnia thing. I'm actually feeling tired, and I've got Nytol if I don't manage to fall asleep. So, yay.

Nothing much else to report. I watched Meet The Fockers today, since it was £7 and I thought I might as well. Not a bad film, really, although not as funny as Peel made it out to be.

What else? Um. I had a chicken kiev. That's about it.


#Robin Youngsmith - Before Midnight#

Hi willeth, How are your Holidays?

Dear willeth,

How are your holidays?
Sincerely wish you happiness, cheerfulness and lasting prosperity.
Hope this year 2006 will bring great success to us.

Best Regards
Wise Feng

GUANGDONG HONGXUAN GROUP
KINGLONG DAILY ARTICLES CO., LTD.
(Professional in cutlery and non-woven bag)

ADD: No.248-250, ShiWan North Road,
ShiWan Industrial Estate,Yangjiang,
Guangdong,529500,China.
TEL: +86-662-3136166
FAX: +86-662-3136000

http://www.yjkl.com.cn


As far as I know, I've never bought cutlery or a non-woven bag from China. This is one of the better spam mails I've received.

This Notice Is Not Worth Noticing

It's been over a year since I started blogging on here, and a year and a half since I started the old one with the stupid grey blocks over the top - thankfully now gone. I've averaged a post a day, pretty much.

I'm not sure whether this is a triumph.

Gigglety

< Willeth > ARGH GOD
< Willeth > KILL ME NOW
< DIYsurgery > BANG
< Willeth > wtf, i'm not looking for a cure for hiccups

At Least We Tried

Michael Jordan once said 'I can stand failure. I can't stand not trying.' Makes sense.

I've been trying to revise, but failing. the question is, if I fail my exam next week, will I have tried or not?

This is some weird Zen question, and I won't answer it by being on my blog, that's for damn sure. I think I'll tidy up. Tidy room, tidy mind - dirty room, dirty mind, and I'm not going to go into that.

The Politest Instance Of Christmas Tree Assault Ever

At 2am bar staff refused to serve any more alcohol. Undaunted, Kiefer Sutherland persuaded management to let them loose in the lobby.

He ordered yet more booze on room service, then staggered around the entrance hall, entertaining pals with a bizarre, flailing breakdancing routine.

It was then that a huge Christmas tree caught his eye.

“I hate that fucking Christmas tree,” he declared. “The tree HAS to come down.”

Kiefer warned staff: “I’m smashing it - can I pay for it?”

A staff member replied: “I’m absolutely sure you can, sir.”

The star then hurled himself into the Norwegian Spruce, sending baubles and lights crashing to the ground. Pulling pine needles out of his hair and t-shirt, he said to a hotel employee: “Ooh sorry about that…you’re so cool. This fucking hotel rocks.”

...from the Daily Mirror, as near as I can make out.

Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock and Hulk Hogan

Okay, so my body clock was all out of rhythm, so I decided to pull an all-nighter and tire myself out, have an early night the day after, and sort out my sleep pattern once and for all.

To keep myself awake, I went for a walk at about 5.30 in the morning, and decided that it'd be quite nice to sit somewhere and watch the sunrise. So I trotted off up the hill round Norfolk Park way, and sat on a wall at the crest of the hill in this little grassy bit.

It didn't work. I was there for two hours without any sun rising at all. I did, however, get to learn the entire lyrics to Eric The Half A Bee, which wasn't bad. I think that'll be my new Flash project instead of that Explosivo thing, which really never got off the ground.

i got home, watched half of the directors' commentary to Hitchhikers, and fell asleep in the middle of it. I woke up at half four, assuming it was 4.30 in the morning (of course, it wasn't, I didn't sleep for an entire day, that would be silly), so I got up and had breakfast.

I found everyone in the lounge, chatting. I was rather startled.


So, uh. I think I'm gonna get started on this Eric thing to get myself back into Flash again. I've got an assigment due soonish, and I need to be up to par.

Ciao.

Oh So True

"Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you're a cheese."
~Luis Bunuel

I'm So Tired, Got To Be On My Own

Yes, I've bastardised Razorlight to make that title, but I don't give a crap. They deserve to be bastardised.

I had a seminar at 12 today. Of course, with a combination of my being compassionate (talking to a bloke I've never met about a solution to his depression), late getting up (I'm a lazy procrastinatory git), and being just plain batshit fucking loco, I got up at - you guessed it - exactly 12 noon. So I threw some clothes on and dashed down to the Uni.

Two other people were in the seminar room. Neither of them was the lecturer. Ugh.

So I walked home and bought a paper. There was an article in it on Lost. Which reminded me about it.


So now I'm surviving on three hours sleep, have to try and figure out two hours of the season finale of Lost, and am going to bed at a minimum time of 12.30. Grr.

On the plus side, I made a cheesecake. It's delicious.

Shippity Ship Ship

I'm getting worse at these titles, aren't I.

So today I received word that my T-Shirt from Digital Pimp will be arriving fairly shortly. Hopefully it'll come bfore the Oasis concert, as it would just be awesome to walk around there in a shirt that says 'KISS MY MUGGLE ASS'.

I mentioned before that Joe Dunn (the wizard than he is) is including a sketch I requested in the package. Well, here's the preliminary thing for it that he sent me a while ago:



Oh, hells yes.

Like GG Allin, But With Added Unibrow

So I cut my own hair today, but gave myself a mohawk. It really doesn't suit me... at all... but the batteries on my hair clippers ran down, so I'm stuck like this until I can recharge them.

God, I'm stupid.

My Sentiments Exactly

So 1up.com did a list of the Ten Most WTF Moments of 2005. Quite aside from Jack Thompson, who entered at roughly six, I think, these were the top two:

2 Shadow the Hedgehog
Once upon a time all you needed to do to have "attitude" was smirk and wag your finger at someone. These days you apparently have to shoot them in the goddamn face. You know, if Sonic games aren't appealing to older players maybe a better solution would be to drop the swelling cast of furry idiots and make, you know, a Sonic game.



1 'Tard Pack
$299.99 for an Xbox 360 with no wireless controllers, no hard drive, no backwards compatability, and naturally, no downloadable content. So you save a hundred bucks. Except you'll need to spend forty of that on a memory unit, anyway. But hey, you can still afford one more 360 game. The only announcement more WTF worthy will be if someone knowingly buys it.



I think I'll start reading 1up more often.

Pineapple In My Anus

I seem to be all set to go back today, after having a round of Dolcelatte sandwiches and doing a sweep of the house to make sure that no artifact of my staying here has found its way out of my grasp while packing.

For some reason, the Wings Challenge (that comic thing) seems to have resurfaced on VGC. And more entries are pouring in. Rather bizarre.


But the thing that's been annoying me lately is the American Sk8land forums - everyone on there seems to be a complete know-nothing prick, while I'm an island of intelligence in the middle of it all. It makes me like VGC, for God's sake.

While we're talking about life's everyday stresses, has anyone been tuning in to Richard Hammond's 5-o'clock Show? It's rather entertaining, although clearly extremely scripted. Not only that, but he reminds me of Peel quite a bit, which is rather entertaining.

I missed Balderdash and Piffle on Monday - again, another annoyance. I shall have to catch it tomorrow. I won't be doing anything else.

I have the most bizarre timetable over the next three weeks. I have one seminar, for an hour, on Wednesday. I then have nothing until the following Wednesday, when I have an exam. I then have one the following day. One of these I have to trek all the way across the city for. Then I have Friday off (as per usual, heh) and then slam into a full week on Monday.

At least I get revision time. And by 'revision', I mean 'gaming, comic, FAQ-writing and masturbation'.

Who Are You (Ooh Ooh)

"I'd say you're an angry spanish biker who romances the first girl he meets in each town as he travels through them as an attempt to rekindle the feeling he felt many summers ago with Lita, the only girl he ever truly loved and who has rendered him unable to ever feel that way again with her naive heartbreaking games."
~ArianeTheFool

Key Demographic

I don't get any spam emails telling me that I can enlarge my penis, any more. Instead I get them advertising Cartier and Rolex watches for a low, low price, never to be repeated offer.

The only conclusion I can come to is that they've decided I'm a pimp and are marketing accordingly.

Impulse For Men

So, poker night last night. Extremely fun, and completely hilarious saying 'Peel small, Matt big' whenever the blinds end up that way. Ordered pizza, stole some Pepsi, ate a lot of Cheese Strings. The usual.

After I got out of the game, I went on Peel's laptop, and checked my email, noticing that Play had a sale on.

"£9.99 for a poker set in an aluminium case? Excellent deal!"


I shouldn't have had so much Hoegaarden.

A Wolven Ring

"Any god you believe exists is a big stupid prick."
~Mitch Clem

A Quick Thought

It would be extremely hard to draw yourself wearing a Chinese finger trap.

Crazy

I drew a bit of art for the Tony Hawk's game for DS. It is, at the time of writing, top of the worldwide list for everyone's art that's been submitted.

I'm amazed.

Advance Mourning

I think I'd like to confess something, here and now. There is a branch of Buddhism (don't ask me which one, I've forgotten) that teaches to imagine, as soon as a posession is gained, that that possession is destroyed. Completely and utterly smashed up. That way, when it is destroyed in the end (as Buddhism teaches, all things are impermanent), you have already grieved for the loss and can carry on without the waste of emotion that comes with, say, your £3000 Rolex watch just going under the wheels of a car.

I have, ever since I can remember, always imagined how it would feel to be informed that one of my friends had just died. In these musings, I never get given a reason for the death of the people closest to me, just that they're gone, deal with it. And it gives me this strange feeling of detachment from, well everything. Maybe I regard people as objects. Maybe I'm a morbid son of a bitch who likes imagining people dying. Maybe I'm a complete masochist, and I enjoy the semblance of pain that these imaginings give me. What I am sure about, though, is that if any one of my nearest and dearest should ever depart, that I won't particularly care. I've already imagined them gone, and in my mind, they've not existed for ages.

So excuse me, if you suddenly drop off the radar, if I don't shed a tear. To me, you've been dead for a long, long time.

I Kind Of Felt Bad For The Horse

So, I guess I've neglected this thought repository over the holiday period. I don't particularly know why - I've been on the Internet no less than usual. Maybe it's the sweet distractions of home.

I know that I've not updated FireBall, at all. I think I'm going to have to get motoring on that sooner or later. Three weeks without an update is heinous, of course, but I'll be filling up the archive and catching up.

Um, yeah. Christmas was good, cheers, as was my new year. Now I'm just gearing up for the wonders of Winter-een-mas, which I'm celebratng by writing a walkthrough for my game of the moment - Tony Hawk's American Sk8land. Hey, I never said it was going to be a wild holiday.

Speaking of wild holidays, I was denied my proposed 'go out every other day and get absolutely ratted' situation by the most evil cold I've ever had. I've never shivered when the room was roasting before, I know that. Luckily it cleared up in time for that pagan celebration of the winter solstice that we all know and love, but other members of the family weren't so lucky. Mother's still stuffed up, and can't go to work tomorrow. I'm sure they'll assume she's hungover or something, though.

What does the future hold for 2006, I wonder. Well, hopefully, it'll hold me making it through my first year of University, finding a house (and the housemates to cohabit with therein), and that's where I start becoming a complete geek.

You see, 2006 is the year of the Revolution. And no, I'm not talking the chavs and idiots revolting against the proletariat (although I'm sure we can all agree that the chavs and idiots are revolting). I'm talking about the Nintendo Difference.

No, I'm not going to go any further. I'd just be repeating myself. All I've got to add, I guess, is that Twilight Princess will be the Game of the Year, without a doubt. It's only a shame that Shadow of the Colossus is released in February. I'm going to have to beat it extremely quickly before March and Zelda.

I've still got Prince of Persia and God of War to finish, for Christ's sake. And it's just struck me how similar all of those games are.