Advance Mourning

I think I'd like to confess something, here and now. There is a branch of Buddhism (don't ask me which one, I've forgotten) that teaches to imagine, as soon as a posession is gained, that that possession is destroyed. Completely and utterly smashed up. That way, when it is destroyed in the end (as Buddhism teaches, all things are impermanent), you have already grieved for the loss and can carry on without the waste of emotion that comes with, say, your £3000 Rolex watch just going under the wheels of a car.

I have, ever since I can remember, always imagined how it would feel to be informed that one of my friends had just died. In these musings, I never get given a reason for the death of the people closest to me, just that they're gone, deal with it. And it gives me this strange feeling of detachment from, well everything. Maybe I regard people as objects. Maybe I'm a morbid son of a bitch who likes imagining people dying. Maybe I'm a complete masochist, and I enjoy the semblance of pain that these imaginings give me. What I am sure about, though, is that if any one of my nearest and dearest should ever depart, that I won't particularly care. I've already imagined them gone, and in my mind, they've not existed for ages.

So excuse me, if you suddenly drop off the radar, if I don't shed a tear. To me, you've been dead for a long, long time.