Ideas Popping Into My Head

I had an awesome idea for a sketch today, as I am wont to do from time to time. I'm building these up into a cache, and might one day release the scripts for them all as a sketch show, or soemthing - although I doubt it. Anyway, here goes two of my favourites:


[Person A and person B are walking towards a door. They are very stereotypically British - pinstripe suits, umbrellas over one arm, bowler hat and pronounced moustache. A holds the door for B. He speaks in a very posh British accent.]

Person A: After you, old boy.

Person B (similar accent): No thankyou, I couldn't possibly, after you.

A: No, no, I insist.

B: No, I insist!

A: Sir, you are a charlatan! You are deliberately throwing my kind offer back in my face!

B: Yeah? Well I don't need my doors held for me, I can do that perfectly fine by myself!

A: Fine! Don't go through the door!

[A walks through the door and lets it partially close on B. B gets partly stuck in the door because he doesn't get his briefcase through in time.

B: FUCK YOUR MOTHER!

[B extricates himself from the door and walks into the building, straightening his tie. Next shot, B joins A outside a lift door. It slides open, and they look at each other. Pause, then cut.]

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[A man dressed sterotypically like one of the Beatles enters a bar. He's got the garish flares and jacket, the huge sunglasses, the dodgy hair, the works. He makes his way over to the bar - the walk can be improvised, stopping to look at a fruit machine, waving to a group of girls, whatever. He leans on the bar and crosses one leg over the other while standing, before spinning into a stool with an unnecessary flourish. The bartender looks at him.]

Beatle: I'll have a Shout, with a twist.