Ideas Popping Into My Head

I had an awesome idea for a sketch today, as I am wont to do from time to time. I'm building these up into a cache, and might one day release the scripts for them all as a sketch show, or soemthing - although I doubt it. Anyway, here goes two of my favourites:


[Person A and person B are walking towards a door. They are very stereotypically British - pinstripe suits, umbrellas over one arm, bowler hat and pronounced moustache. A holds the door for B. He speaks in a very posh British accent.]

Person A: After you, old boy.

Person B (similar accent): No thankyou, I couldn't possibly, after you.

A: No, no, I insist.

B: No, I insist!

A: Sir, you are a charlatan! You are deliberately throwing my kind offer back in my face!

B: Yeah? Well I don't need my doors held for me, I can do that perfectly fine by myself!

A: Fine! Don't go through the door!

[A walks through the door and lets it partially close on B. B gets partly stuck in the door because he doesn't get his briefcase through in time.

B: FUCK YOUR MOTHER!

[B extricates himself from the door and walks into the building, straightening his tie. Next shot, B joins A outside a lift door. It slides open, and they look at each other. Pause, then cut.]

------------


[A man dressed sterotypically like one of the Beatles enters a bar. He's got the garish flares and jacket, the huge sunglasses, the dodgy hair, the works. He makes his way over to the bar - the walk can be improvised, stopping to look at a fruit machine, waving to a group of girls, whatever. He leans on the bar and crosses one leg over the other while standing, before spinning into a stool with an unnecessary flourish. The bartender looks at him.]

Beatle: I'll have a Shout, with a twist.

Invigoration

A few things happened to me over this weekend. The most major was, of course, getting to see my baby cousin, Lily, for the first time ever, and she's the cutest, nay, the wutest thing you ever set eyes on. The weekend was full of awesomeness - at least, to me.

We went up into the hills and pretended to build a snowman. We could have actually done it, but - oddly enough - it was bloody cold. So we all stood by one that someone else built and had our photo taken, before nipping off down the pub.

I honestly felt like it had been years since I last saw them, although in all honesty it wasn't that long ago - I think at Mike's 40th, but I'm nto entirely sure. I was glad of the opportunity to talk to them, though. I still haven't managed to find out anything concrete as regards the Eidos placement, but hope, as they say, springs eternal.


But yeah. Adventures were had on the train back, too. Because when I got to Stockport, I was informed that actually, I'd have to wait an hour and a half for a bus that would take me back. And it'd take another hour and a half to get there.

Sod that.

So back I trudged, smacking someone round the face with a Jump Britain poster by mistake (an excellent present from Mike), although I won't say it wasn't funny. And had a short chat with someone from Sheffield who was making his way into Macc, by coincidence.


There really isn't much else to report, I don't think,l other than being back at home and actually doing something has made me feel rather active and happy again. I must make a note to feel happy more often. More to come, as soon as I think of it.

A Valuable Gem From The House Of Peel

Scott: i'm tired, just done a 7 hour shit

Riots In London

Apparently, 15,000 atheists in London rioted today, after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk.

All High-School Politics, You Know

I feel like I've done absolutely nothing this weekend. Next weekend I'll have to actually get out and do some parkour - missed it last weekend, this weekend my hands still hadn't healed properly.

It's a shame, you know - I'm having to miss Back To The Future today, cause I've got a tutorial tomorrow in which I have to work on 1D arrays in C++. I have absolutely no idea how to do it, but there's all sorts of helpful resources around the place. I might even get off my arse and clean the flat if I get it done quickly enough. Who'd have thought that I'd get disgusted with a state of unclean living?

So, what else. They're building a KFC behind my house. So far the metal frame's been raised, and a bit of brickwork. but that was done last week. This week they seem to have done sweet Fanny Adams. Maybe it takes longer to brick a wall than I thought - but it's only waist-height.

I bought Against Me!'s new album, and I've had it on repeat since I got it. It's just so unbelievably listenable. I still haven't decided if I want to go and see them in Nottingham, though. While money isn't exactly tight, I'm over budget, and that's never a good thing.

So, uh, yeah. I'll get back to clearing the shit off my desk in the hope of coding something. See you all after the jump (and what the fuck does that mean, by the way).

Bugger Me

This guy's a genius. This entire image was created in Paint. Yes, that's right - Paint. Even Ian McKellen. Look at it, and weep.

EDIT: Apparently I can't leech the image. Linky link.

The Joy Joy Joy Joy Down In My Heart

YAY!

I found someone on eBay who's selling replacement parts for my phone, so I can finally fix the scroll wheel.



You have no idea how happy I am, right now.

The Most Hilarious Thing Ever

Siân had an image of a baby seal crying on her blog once. I rediscovered the same picture on VGC just now:



Ah, the marvels of internet humour.

Armageddon Cheese

If I were to give you a rundown of everythig that's happened since last time I posted, you'd find me dead at the keyboard with a half-finished, mile-long post and cobwebs on my fingers. So I'll be brief.

Ben came round at some ungodly time on Tuesday night, and stayed until Friday. We were going to go to Corp at some point on the Wednesday, giving him a nice little taste of the Skool Disco, but the stupid bugger didn't bring any ID with him, so we got kicked out at the door. Not only that, but if we'd been told slightly earlier that Peel was actually in Sheffield, we could have met up with him at Kingdom and saved ourselves time and hassle. As it was, we went home and did shots, which, surprisingly enough, tasted like the things they were supposed to taste like. The Lemon Meringue one was a very nice surprise.

So I met up with Peel on the Friday, and Viggars got in on the train at some point. We went to Gatecrasher that night.

Holy hell. Seriously. Nobody ever told me how much the prices got driven up on a Friday. I had to pay £33.50 for five drinks and three shots, half of which got thrown on the floor anyway. I was not amused. The rest of the night made up for it, however, and I'm fairly sure I'm the only one of the group who got his arse squeezed by a stranger (although whether it was a girl or not, I've no idea. Given the size of the hand, I assume girl, although Peel also has small hands). A fight randomly broke out in front of us on the dancefloor, me and Viggars forced our way into the middle of it and separated it (although for some odd reason Viggars claims I had no part in it), and Viggars promptly got thrown out, which was absolutely hilarious. He made his way back in by sweet talking the bouncers (and complaining that actually, he was doing their job for them).
And then, at the end of the night, they played the Mario theme from the SNES, pitch-perfect and exactly as synthesised as it was back in the day. I've a feeling that I was only to clear the dancefloor, but all it succeeded in doing was getting me on it to dance like a retard.

So on the way back Viggars decided he'd jump about a bit in a lame imitation of parkour in a drunken haze. I decided that I'd show him how it was done, ran along the side of a slightly slanted wall for several metres, tripped over my own shoelaces and smacked straight into the glass-covered pavement. I think my exact words were "Oh fuck, it hurts, it hurts, I'm dead," after I'd got up, displaying a ripped pair of trousers, an impressive graze from my forearm culminating in a massive gash on my shoulder, two knees with the skin flayed off, and an impressive set of cuts on my hands that made it look like I had stigmata. Looking back on it now, it's very amusing, though. Not only that, but I get to bite off bits of dead skin from my palms in lectures and gross people out on the row behind me.

So, yeah. Not much else happened after that - no-one could afford to go out on Saturday, so we had a game of poker in which I was caning Peel until he went all in and I read him utterly wrongly (after which my luck declined significantly), and have played multiple games of Nightfire and Smash Football, watched far too many films than even Ben would deem necessary, and remenisced about Fallibroome and the laughs it gave us. Dave and his Man's Wood, Malcolm and Holland's 'reject' saga, and such.

But yeah, now I'm sitting here with nothing much else to report. Oasis kicked a massive amount of ass. That's about it.

Wings out.


i see only what i want to see

Scranner!

Strangely Delicious

I've got no food in the house right now, only condiments. This is because Ben is visiting on Wednesday till Friday, Viggars and Peel on Friday to Sunday, and I've slowly wound down my food supply in order to get stuff for two people for the week.

So today, for dinner, I had coriander and lemon cous cous with chicken nuggets.


It was extremely nice, oddly enough.

Rediscovery

Goddammit Viggars, how many times do I have to tell you?! I have to approve a comment before it gets posted. It's not that the site is broken at all, you gigantic reject. It's to stop spam comments like I used to get.

Ugh.



While I'm at it, I was going through my phone yesterday, and found a few things that I jotted down so I wouldn't forget, and then promptly forgot they were there. I can't remember exactly when the following quotes took place, but rest assured - they did.



Laura: Where is Pisa? I thought it was in Paris. No, that's the Eiffel place, isn't it. I do know where Australia is!


Will: We're not prejudiced, unlike you losers!



With that, I leave you.

Freudian Slip-Up

Can anyone who reads this interpret dreams? I've been having some very odd ones, lately. You've probably read my chronicle of the hand in the beer, in a Victorian pub in Narnia. Well, here comes another.

I'm a pirate captain, standing on the bow of a galleon. I take a swig from a dirty bottle. All of a sudden, a feel a movement in my mouth, and it bizarrely feels as if I've stuffed it with cotton wool. That's right - in my dream, I can feel my mouth shifting about. And, not only that, but I can feel everything that follows.
I lean forward and retch into my hand - and my teeth just plop out into it. I can feel them sliding out of my mouth, too - and it's not as if they all came out one by one, they all came out joined together, complete with lower jaw. A half-second later, my top teeth come out also, although not in a whole lump - they come out as the top part of my jaw, split into two or three pieces, and a few loose teeth. They sit in my palm, grey and decayed, almost smiling up at me.
Having only one tooth left in your gums, it's very weird feeling your teeth missing. Bizarrely, I could still move my mouth as normal, despite the lack of any jaw to speak of. I can still feel that sensation even now. Extremely odd. Imagine having a large, thin slice of orange in your mouth, and pushing it out with your tongue, and feeling the sensation as it pushes past your lips. Something like that.
I walk down to the galley. Another pirate nods a hello to me as I move past him. Again - as with the hand in the beer - I am completely unphased by holding my entire jaw in my hand, it having just slid out of my mouth for no reason.
I get down to the feast, look around, and everyone is tucking into their meal of roast meat. And I have no teeth to eat it with.


The best thing is that I have these dreams, and can remember them. I've also had the most kickass idea for a book, again, through a differetn dream. I love when that happens.

Sinister Things Are Afoot

So, you know I like comics, right? That's not news. But I've recently been buying the American imports of Batman and Amazing Spider-Man (I don't touch any of that new-fangled stuff). Anyway, I was sitting in my room, reading Amazing, and I read this line:

"Whatever happened, it killed the power to the whole area."

The moment that happened? The power went out.


Good thing I was on the toilet.