Fast Food

V - Hip To Hip

First, someone else's humour: http://www.pastmaster-game.com, a teaser site for GTA: LCS. I wonder if Jack Thompson will take it seriously.

Now, to my humour. Or, rather, someone else's, adapted to my own life. I do that a lot.


I went into a McDonalds today, and since there was no-one else there, I took my time deciding what I wanted. The bloke cut in.
"Can I help you?"
"Yeah, hold on a second, I'm just looking at the menu."
It was a reflex response and I only just realised what I said, I think. What I do know is that what followed was purely intentional, and my grin kept threatening to burst out of my face more and more as time went on.
"Would you like to look at the Pound Saver Menu?"
I made my decision.
"Don't - don't offer me anything. I'll tell you what I want."
There was a significant pause.
"Okay. I think I'll have the Filet-O-Fish sandwich, because that has less calories, cause it's fish. I'm trying to watch my - calorie intake."
"Okay, is that it?"
"Errrm.... I'll have it as meal. A small meal."
"Okay, one Filet-O-Fish meal."
"A SMALL Filet-O-Fish meal. I'm trying to watch my figure. Trying to lose some of the weight."
At this point I was very surprised that it was working out so well, I have to tell you. I was'nt sure whether this guy knew what I was doing, but after that I was sure he wasn't.
"What would you like to drink with your meal?"
"Could you go half Coca-Cola, half Diet Coke?"
He looked at me blankly.
"I'm trying to watch my figure." I explained.
"Yeah, I guess I can do that. Anything else?"
"Uh..."
I debated whether saying 'fuck my ass, what else?' would be appropriate. I decided not.
"Okay, a chocolate McFlurry and that's it."
"That's £3.98."
Don't quote me on the price or anything, I can't remember quite what it was. It was something around there.
"Okay, I only have, uh..."
I reached into my wallet. Pulled out a tenner.
"I think I'm going to have to cancel the last thing on the order."

It was all I could do at this point to to break into a huge grin, and laugh my socks off right then and there. As it was, I picked up my meal and left. And ate my meal.

It was surprisingly nice.